Congratulations llnk

Kai Admirer Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 470

I've got mixed feelings on your situation.
You need to respect your girlfriends parents, unless they are completely off the wall. If you don't, it will ultimately cause problems in your relationship with Tami.

You need to be able to provide security and support for Tami during her pregnancy. I think that her parents know this and probably are testing your relationship. Think about it......was marriage and children with Tami your ultimate plan?

If I were you....I would look for some resources such as counseling. I would try to convince Tami's parents to let you and her attend. I would think about group counseling, with her parents. I would start talking with them about birthing and parenting classes.

As far as being separated.....it's completely doable think of all the people in the military. I think in most cases it strengthens relationships and the ones that fail, probably would have anyway.

Congrats to you. As long as Tami's health is not an issue, you are going to be a father. You just need keep her convinced that you want to be that baby's father.

Team XLink Baker Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 676

Quote:

Her parents have decided that they want Tami to write in a diary every day. They want to be able to read her diary whenever they want so they can decided when she's "mature" enough to leave home. I think this is a huge invasion of Tami's privacy but she's willing to do whatever it takes to get back to Vancouver.

I am sorry but that girl needs to grow some backbone. If someone threatens to disown you then you don't need them in your life anyway and chances are they are bluffing.

I think she should move back to Vancouver where you and she can make the decisions regarding both your futures together,like the adults that you both are and she should say goodbye to her parents and never look back.

Time heals all wounds and before you know it her parents will come crawling to her asking forgiveness.If not then their loss.

Her parents don't respect her or you and they never will unless she takes control of her own life.

This is a mad world and Mommy and Daddy won't always be around to protect you, so you have to learn to fend for yourself.

Gunslinger

Kai Lover Joined: 23 May 2004 Posts: 585

-Gunslinger- wrote:

Quote:

Her parents have decided that they want Tami to write in a diary every day. They want to be able to read her diary whenever they want so they can decided when she's "mature" enough to leave home. I think this is a huge invasion of Tami's privacy but she's willing to do whatever it takes to get back to Vancouver.

I am sorry but that girl needs to grow some backbone. If someone threatens to disown you then you don't need them in your life anyway and chances are they are bluffing.

I think she should move back to Vancouver where you and she can make the decisions regarding both your futures together,like the adults that you both are and she should say goodbye to her parents and never look back.

Time heals all wounds and before you know it her parents will come crawling to her asking forgiveness.If not then their loss.

Her parents don't respect her or you and they never will unless she takes control of her own life.

This is a mad world and Mommy and Daddy won't always be around to protect you, so you have to learn to fend for yourself.

Gunslinger

I second that, yes it would be difficult in the short-term but ultimately it would be for the best.

You're not kids anymore and that reality has just hit Tami's parents square in the face and they are obviously having difficulty dealing with it and are trying to take back control by seperating you, invading privacy, threatening to disown her etc.

Do what you know is right in your hearts, the parents will see sense soon enough.

Love after all is a powerful healing force, and I have never met a Grandparent who didn't love their Grandchild!!

Kai Spammer Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 8681

I agree with what gunny says. You should both be together making plans about your future and whats going to happen. Her parents will come to there senses and if they dont then there loss.

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 11 Oct 2006 Posts: 1702

-llnk- wrote:

Now Tami needs to decide what she wants more... her parents blessings, or me.

I'm sure she will make the right choice llnk Smile

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

I've never really understood why they felt a "2 month" separation was appropriate.

Kai Beginner Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 23

I don't know you but congrats buddy. I can't give any advice seeing as though I am only 14 years old and wouldn't know anything about love but Good Luck with the situation anyway.

Team XLink Baker Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 676

Quote:

The plot thickens!

Wow her Dad sounds like real bad news. I saw a documentary about some of those anti-abortion groups.

It's amazing how someone can be pro life and yet kill or injury innocent people. Rolling Eyes

But of course that is on an extreme level, I assume her Dad is one of those who just protest outside abortion clinics and doctors offices.

What a world. Mad

Gunslinger

Kai Spammer Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Posts: 1332

-Gunslinger- wrote:

Quote:

The plot thickens!

Wow her Dad sounds like real bad news. I saw a documentary about some of those anti-abortion groups.

It's amazing how someone can be pro life and yet kill or injury innocent people. Rolling Eyes

But of course that is on an extreme level, I assume her Dad is one of those who just protest outside abortion clinics and doctors offices.

What a world. Mad

Gunslinger

These extremist people are are always contradictory.

Its a hard situation to advise on with each new development, if the abortion reason is true, then maybe discussion on that might be more productive but its all cloak and dagger, very hard to figure out.

Anyways, Good Luck llnk

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

Another update:

I spoke with Tami on the weekend about the situation that we're in. I think we've found ourselves a solution!

Tami and I are going to get married but not have the traditional ceremony. We're going to goto the Justice of the Peace and get married on paper. That way Tami's parents will be ok with us living together, and she can move back to Vancouver. We aren't going to wear wedding rings, and she won't take my last name. This will be somewhat of a test to see if we will be compatible with each other in the future. If things work out then we'll get married again in a year after the child is born. We'll have the traditional ceremonies with all of our friends and family. We'll exchange wedding rings and then Tami will take my last name.

Team XLink Baker Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 676

Hey llnk

That is some good news. You must be overjoyed right now. I wish you both all the happiness and the best of luck.

Gunny

Kai Spammer Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 8681

Congrats Llnk.

Kai Spammer Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Posts: 1332

Thats great news llnk Very Happy

Kai Regular Joined: 06 Apr 2006 Posts: 77

-llnk- wrote:

Thanks for all the kind words and advice people.

I'm still in the same boat. Tami is still in Nelson and we really miss each other. We've been talking on the phone every morning and evening, sending emails and text messages. She has already told her parents that she wants to come back to Vancouver but they don't think she's ready.

Her parents have decided that they want Tami to write in a diary every day. They want to be able to read her diary whenever they want so they can decided when she's "mature" enough to leave home. I think this is a huge invasion of Tami's privacy but she's willing to do whatever it takes to get back to Vancouver.

Her parents have been talking with their friends about our situation. Apparently all of their friends think that separating us was wrong, and that we should definitely move in together. Tami seems to think that she should get her own apartment in Vancouver and only move in with me once we're married. i think her parents influence have changed her opinion on this because last week she was willing to move in with me to stay in Vancouver.

Tami believes that her parents will "disown" her (again) if she goes against her their wishes. While meeting with them I asked if that was the case. The said No, however if she went against their wishes they wouldn't give us their blessings.

Now Tami needs to decide what she wants more... her parents blessings, or me.

Ok,

llnk, be carefull how you approach this situation. Remember, even though her parents are wrong for doing this and she is an adult, the fact of the matter is, that they are her parents and she has known them longer then you, not to mention your talking blood relatives.

I was in a similar situation about 15 yrs ago in Vancouver Washington, the gal I was engaged to had always ran back to her daddy everytime things got a little tuff. Don't think I need to tell you what happened.

I do have to agree with Gunslinger on some of her posts also, your GF is an adult and her parents should allow her to make her own decisions. It's those decisions that she makes is what helps her become stronger.

However, being a parent myself I can kinda see where her parents are coming from. They only love their daughter and want whats only best for her. I am guessing the reason for why they want the seperation is so their daughter can determine her true feelings for you, as your feelings for her also. Her parents just don't her to do something and have regrets later down the road and to make sure that this realationship isn't one that starts off hot and then cools down as time goes on.

But whatever happens, if you don't get married, or just live together and raise the child together. The best and most honorable thing you can ever do is, support your child and always be there for him/her.

I will also tell you that parenting isn't easy, never has been and never will be. You both will make mistakes along the way as so will your child. Which is good as long as everyone evolved learns from those mistakes.

Sorry for the long post but just wanted to give my views on it.

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 03 May 2004 Posts: 2075

-llnk- wrote:

Another update:

I spoke with Tami on the weekend about the situation that we're in. I think we've found ourselves a solution!

Much happiness! We'll all be expecting an invitation soon.

-p

Kai Spammer Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 8681

I vote Prestige for flower girl Razz

Team XLink Moderator Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 1357

Dude, I'd soo come to the wedding.

Congrats and goodluck on your solution.

Kai Lover Joined: 23 May 2004 Posts: 585

Yeah man that's great news! Congratulations!

Kai Regular Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 184

That must be stressful. Tami's parent's friends are right, she has the right to make her own choices. Holding her back while she's pregnant with you're baby seems completely irrational. I'm sure she'll make the right decision. Once again, good luck with the baby Smile

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

UPDATE

I drove to Nelson last week and met Tami's family. Things went well and we all seemed to get along. Tami and I drove back to Vancouver yesterday and we're getting married on Friday afternoon. Looks like everything is going to be ok. Smile